It's happening.

I have often wondered, in a friendly, loving sort of way, what made my mom so totally nuts.

Let me be more specific. Generally speaking, my mom is no more crazy than the rest of us wandering around on this wacky planet. In fact, she's a lovely lady who has gone through a series of intense challenges in her life and has come out the other side with deeper faith and a better sense of humor. Granted, I'm biased, but you get the idea. This is not a complain about my mom or make fun of my mom post. This is an I'm-becoming-a-mom post.

Here's where this all starts. I was at work out in Worcester yesterday (and for those you not familiar with the commute to Worcester from the Pioneer Valley, let me just say how happy I am to be transferring to my agency's Northampton site on Thursday... but, I digress) and realized that I hadn't really packed a very satisfying dinner. Nutritionally speaking, it was ok, but I just had the feeling that it wasn't going to cut the mustard. And, when you're pregnant, tired and hungry, whatever you're about to eat needs to be appealing. Trail mix and a peach yogurt were not calling my name, so I went over to the cafe next door to find something else. That's when it happened.

Well, actually, two things happened. I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed, but food has gotten really expensive along with the rise in gas prices. A cup of coffee is pushing $2, it's hard to find a sandwich under $7, and a week's worth of groceries? Yeah. Yikes. Anyway, I was looking up at the menu and noticing just how pricey things have gotten in the eating department, and I started to think about all the other things I could do with the $8 I was about to pay for a chicken wrap with a small side of fruit salad. Now, that's not that unusual because I tend towards the thrifty side of things, but what was unusual was that everything I was thinking about was for my as of yet unborn son. Like, that $8 could go towards baby wipes, or that $8 could go in his piggy bank and send him to college. The only way I was able to rationalize buying the damn sandwich was to tell myself that it was for him. That we needed this sandwich.

This is where my mom comes in. For my entire life, although I didn't really realize it until I hit adulthood, she's been making sacrifices for me. Once I did realize it, I couldn't really figure it out, it being what made my mom so totally nuts. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all of her help and the way she supports me, but when a person can barely get over their happiness at being able to fold your laundry for you, you start to wonder... Until now.

Now, I get it. This little man is taking me over, and he's not even born yet. I guess pregnancy is a good metaphor, a good preparation for the way in which you will be totally willing to sacrifice it all, give anything that is needed, to secure your child's happiness to the best of your ability. Not that $8 is really that big of a deal, but it's not just that sandwich. John is starting to be a factor in every decision I make. Not, "would this be good for me?", but "would this be good for John?".

I've even started separating our returnables from the rest of our recycling, which I never did before because eighty cents just didn't seem like that big of a deal. But, in John's piggy bank, it seems like a very big deal. I actually almost yelled at my husband the other night for crushing a soda can beyond recognition because that was John's five cents he was destroying.

So, yeah. Totally nuts.