Three Reasons Why Pregnancy is Like Recovering From an Eating Disorder

One of the fascinating things I've been discovering during my pregnancy, which I have spent being a clinical social worker at an eating disorder treatment center, is that I suddenly have (even more than usual) a great deal in common with my patients. Here's why:

1. You have to trust the process, even though it is making your butt get bigger. When you are pregnant, a lot of really funky stuff happens to your body. For example, your butt and each upper thigh gain about 5lbs each, for no really discernibly good reason. But, you have to trust the process because there are all these doctors or midwives and friends and your partner (if you are having the kind of pregnancy where there's a partner around) promising you that if you do, you will get to have this fantastic surprise of a healthy baby at the end, and that if you don't just let go and feed yourself when you are hungry, you might hurt him.

This is a lot like recovering from an eating disorder (at least from what I can remember of my own experience) because when you are in recovery and starting to feed yourself when you are hungry and stop when you are full (which is a revolutionary process in and of itself, let me tell you), sometimes (well, usually, if I'm going to be fair and honest) your butt gets bigger. And probably your upper arms and thighs and maybe your tummy and all the rest of the parts of you that have been trying to take on a womanly shape since you hit puberty, but whose growth you have been stunting. Which can be about as terrifying as waking up to discover that your arms and thighs have turned into snakes that are trying to eat you, but there are all of these doctors or therapists and friends and your partner (if you are having the kind of recovery where there's a partner around) promising you that if you just trust this process you will get to have the fantastic surprise of having your life back and discovering who you are (which is a lot like a birth, actually), but that if you don't let go and feed yourself when you are hungry, you are hurting the person who is trying to be born, who in this case is you.

2. You are not supposed to have Diet Coke. But, sometimes you have it anyway. I remember when I was first in recovery from my eating disorder, I made myself a lot of promises about how I was only going to eat "real" foods and never succumb to the thrill of low calorie substitutes, and because I had done my poor body so much damage already, I was surely never going to eat anything that might be suspect from a health perspective ever again. I was growing a new person (me), and I was only going to give her the absolute best whole, organic fuel to do that growing with. That lasted for about two months, which is about how long I was able to keep the health kick up when I got pregnant. And then I just really wanted a Diet Coke.

Now, I'm not saying that this is necessarily a good thing, and in case the future grandmothers of our baby are reading this, I want to reassure you that I have mostly been very good about feeding this little man growing inside of me plenty of really healthy whole grains and lean proteins and organic vegetables. But, he has also had some of the aforementioned Diet Coke, the occasional Domino's Meat Lover's pizza & a fair amount of Chicken Flavor Top Noodle Ramen, complete with MSG, which was one of the few things I could eat without experiencing profound nausea during my first trimester. Because as it turns out, in both pregnancy and eating disorder recovery, you have to respect your body and the life growing inside of you, but rigidity and obsession have no place. In fact, in both cases, it's time to let rigidity and obsession go and find a place of balance and moderation. Which tends to involve the liberal consumption of seasonally appropriate holiday candy, as well as in-season local produce.

3. People will provide plenty of commentary about your changing body. And, most of it will hurt your feelings or contradict what the last person said and undermine your good intentions. I have been told by two different people on the same day (one of them a doctor at a very fine and well-respected teaching hospital & one of them a friendly woman in the waiting room at said hospital) that I was gaining weight too quickly, and that I was tiny and barely showing. Needless to say, the first comment brought me to tears and the second comment provided me with an unhelpful rush. Similarly, when I was making my way up from my lowest of eating disorder lows, there were plenty of folks who let me know how "healthy" (which always means "fat" in the mind of the recovering person) I was starting to look, or how my face was "filling out nicely" (for what, to serve me at Thanksgiving?). I'm sure they meant well, just like my doctor, but it still hurt like hell. There were also those people who kept telling me how thin I still looked and how lucky I was to have such a lean frame, which while stoking the fires of my still-sick brain, was ultimately not at all helpful. It's sad and frustrating to live in a culture where women's bodies are objectified to the extent that they become open targets for public commentary, and this seems to be especially poignant in both ED recovery & in pregnancy (and puberty... shudder).

And that, in a nutshell, is part of why I love being a therapist. Participating in other people's growth processes always gives me all kinds of juicy and helpful insight into my own growth process, which I can in turn give back to my patients in the form of compassion and empathy.